eing a family member of someone who drinks is a situation no-one can imagine unless they are in it themselves. Outsiders can’t wait to give advice:
'get him out', 'get rid ', 'you must be mad staying with him',' he’ll kill you one way or another'.
Then there are the other people who don't see what goes on when doors are closed: 'Poor T, he seems so nice - why don't you just let him have a drink','
He seems fine when he’s with me - maybe you should relax and have a drink'.
Then there's the children, what kind of life are they having? Sundays were the worst, they would come back from their
Nan’s and I'd beg them to go to their room, be quiet, anything so he wouldn't wake from his drunken state. Sometimes he
would wake and didn't we know it - smashing up the house, swearing and emotional abuse, accusations and torment that
went on and on sometimes all through the night; on occasion I would leave and take the kids, then he'd lock the doors and
you think you have nowhere to go, too ashamed to ask for help as he'd manipulate the situation: tell people things about
you, run you down, make up stories, lie to your family and your friends.
I've lost so many friends due to the situation, and people have mixed feelings about me. I lost my dad, my brother, my sister not because of the drink or him but
because I’d changed into some one weak and miserable and low, and people don't want to know you when you’re a sad person. No-one cares - or they may at
first, then tire quickly of you. Some days you would actually convince yourself it was you, he would be that good at bringing you down to the depths of despair.
The special occasions like birthdays, christenings, Christmas were the worst times - not special at all. I dreaded them, knowing I'd be alone as he'd be asleep
from drink and before that he'd make sure we had the worst day ever and any presents or food would be smashed or thrown around.
Love and fear were the reasons for going on, hoping he'd change, but then after 7 years of his drunken abuse things began to change. My health started to suffer, I
was getting depressed, ill, having repeated water infections due to stress, and worst of all taking razors to my wrists, arms, legs. Worse, I actually started to drink
myself occasionally at weekends to cope with him, I’d down half a bottle of Bacardi in minutes hoping I’d die, just get off the world at last and never wake up.
I knew that the situation was no longer tolerable and that I myself was losing control of me.
The final straw came when he banged my little boy against a corner unit in his drunken sleep. I'll never forget how powerless I felt and how scared that I'd lose
my children. I knew he’d crossed the line.
happen to us all. I found it so hard to go into that room but I’d waited six weeks and I was at the lowest place I’d ever
been. The person I saw at Aquarius was Nick, so calm and warm, he didn't judge me or control the sessions; he just
listened while I literally flooded out 8 years of crap and pain. I was a wreck, God knows what he thought, but I felt safe.
He made me feel like I was allowed to talk about it without worrying about getting in trouble. When I came out I was
relieved but when I got home it was like I’d just put a plaster on a huge wound. I swore I wouldn't go back in my head,
but that weekend I was a wreck. I rang my counsellor and he helped me cope and made me see things differently.
For the first time in a long time I felt like someone gave a damn, I felt safe again there. I actually started to look forward to going to the group and the counselling.
I felt people wanted to know, wanted to help. It was a relief, almost like I could see a light at the end of a very long tunnel.
Looking back now 15 months later I can honestly say Aquarius and Nick, my counsellor they are the reason I'm here today, and the other people there are like a
family who never give up on you.
My counsellor Nick taught me I was worth something, that my kids and I were the most important people in my life. He taught me to see things
differently, that there is always a choice, always a solution and a way to change.
Nick’s anti-anxiety class was great - I got to meet other people: although they were not family members but drinkers themselves, they never judged me and we
learned things from both sides of the situation - I got to see what my partner was going through as a drinker and they got to see the impact they made on their
family, and how much pain and misery drink can cause.