Being a friend or family member of someone who has a problem with alcohol,
drugs or gambling is stressful. Here are some common stresses:

You can feel worried about the person's health. You may also feel worried that
the person will have accidents or die as a result of their alcohol or drug use.
You can feel worried that they will lose their job as a result of the alcohol, drugs
or gambling.
You might be worried about money or debts that have built up.
You may be having arguments or disagreements about the drinking, drug use,
or gambling.
You may be worried because the drinker, drug user, or gambler is unpredictable.
You don’t know what will happen next.
You may feel embarrassed or ashamed about the problem. You may feel it
reflects badly on you, your family or your friends.
You could be worried about the effect this is having on other friends and family members, including children.
You may feel confused as you aren’t sure whether the person’s alcohol, drug
use or gambling is a problem or not

This is a common experience for family and friends. There are all sorts of
worries that you can have for yourself, others and the person who is using
alcohol or drugs or gambling.

Being in a relationship with a family member or friend who has a drink, drug or
gamblingproblem can lead to many different forms of stress.

These stresses can lead to strain upon family or friends.

The strains can show up in your physical health through things like high blood
pressure, anaemia, stomach upsets, back pain, headaches, difficulty sleeping,
difficulty eating, feeling exhausted.

The strains can also show up in your emotional or psychological health through
things like depression, anxiety. Drinking/smoking/using drugs yourself.

You are important. Your health is important. Looking after your health is important
in itself but also because the more ill you feel the harder this will make it for you
to cope or manage the situation.

This can include not doing anything about the
situation, clearing up the mess, giving money to the
person, and covering up for the person for things
they have or haven’t done.

The disadvantages of this approach are that the
situation doesn’t change and you may feel that you
are being taken advantage of by the person.

The advantages of this approach are that there may
be less tension and conflict with the person.

You may spend less time with the person, focussing
on your own needs, interests and friends that don’t
involve the person drinking or using drugs.

The disadvantages of this approach are that it can
lead to the drinker/ drug user/ gambler feeling
rejected and unloved.

The advantages of this approach are that you may
feel less tense and more in control of your own life.

Thinking about how you respond to the person with
the problem may help you feel that you are starting
to take control over aspects of your life which
may have seemed out of control.

This can include things like trying to have more
control of the finances, confronting the person with
how you feel, trying to get the person to seek help.

The disadvantages of this approach are that your
family member or friend might resent your attempts
and this might be stressful for you and others.

The advantages of this approach can be that you
feel like you are doing something and that you
haven’t given up hope.